This year marks the 50^th anniversary of Johnny Carson’s remarkable thirty year run as host of “The Tonight Show”, and there’s a well produced two hour documentary chronicling his life and career on PBS. I watched it last night with some friends, and all of us were riveted to the screen.

   What an astounding career Johnny had. He ruled the roost for three decades, and then went out on top and never looked back. It’s hard to believe he’s been off the air for twenty years now, but the tens of millions of us that still remember him will see him as a star forever. He was the king.

   A career like that comes along so rarely, it sets the standards for a generation of others who are never able to come close. Too many things have to come together at once, and only an extremely small amount of lucky sperm club members ever get to take that ride. Other than Johnny Carson, who comes to mind in any field? I can think of Babe Ruth, Charlie Chaplin and Elvis Presley.

   Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan both had spectacularly impressive careers and made huge marks in their respective fields, as did Bob Hope and Frank Sinatra. They would all probably get a significant number of votes if there were a poll of the all time greats, but I don’t want to argue.

   My point is, very few ever get to take the big ride and wear the crown as the undisputed king of any field. Johnny Carson was the king of late night television, and there are millions of witnesses that would testify accordingly if asked in or out of a court of law. His star status is unquestioned.

   Besides the issue of talent, there’s always the luck factor. Timing is imperative, and without it talent is useless. Elvis came along at exactly the right time for what he was doing. He did what he did first, and he did it best. Rush Limbaugh would be another example of that kind of timing.

   Johnny Carson came along right as TV was starting. His family moved to Omaha, and he got a job as an announcer on the only station in town. He was also good looking and that didn’t hurt in the least. He was the total package that came along at exactly the right time. Of course the talent was there too, but all the other ingredients combined with it made him the superstar he became.

   It was interesting to learn some things I hadn’t known previously. Apparently, his mother had a way of stinging him with things she said about his career through the years. She didn’t seem very impressed with all his success, just as I read Steve Martin’s father was cold and aloof toward him as well. Far too many performers of all kinds get into performing only to seek parental approval.

   The documentary also talked about Johnny’s relationship with his three sons and how it wasn’t great, nor was his track record of marriage. He was human as we all are, and had dents in his can too apparently. Most of us can’t relate to those kinds of dents, even though we’d like the chance. Just because somebody is on top of their field doesn’t mean they don’t have human foibles also.

   Who’s to say any of us would be able to handle that situation well? Put any of us in the million dollar hot seat pressure cooker and see what we do when everyone has their eyes focused on our every move. Johnny pulled it off for thirty years, and he’ll never be equaled. The world is a very different place now, but he had his run. Wheeeeeere’s Johnny? In a prominent place in history.

   I find it extremely important to pay the proper respect and honor those who have had a hand at helping to make my life a more worthwhile journey. There have been several who have stood out far beyond the rest, and I’m humbly grateful for all of the kindness and guidance they’ve shared.

   My grandfather is the shining example, with C. Cardell Willis following a close second. Those two had a personal influence on me more than I’m sure they know. Gramps helped me my taking the time to be the father figure my birth father never was. Maybe he wasn’t the father he planned to be himself, but he sure made up for it with me. He got a second chance, and he did it correctly.

   Cardell was my comedy father, and he showed me the ropes that Gramps never could. I needed a mentor to help me live my dream, and he was it. I could not imagine anyone kinder or wiser for that role, and I’ll always remember him fondly. I hope I can live up to the memory of them both.

   The person I consider to be my first and biggest mentor in the radio business is Pat Martin. Pat helped me get started in that snake pit of a racket, but despite that I like him anyway. I have often joked with him that I wished we’d never have met, but that’s not true at all. Pat is another gem of a soul that has been there for me through thick and thin and helped me when I needed it the most.

   Radio has been a lot colder and crueler to me than comedy ever was. I only got into it because I thought I might have a better chance to not have to be on the road constantly and become ‘stable’ enough to create an environment to have a family of my own. I never thought it was fair to make a wife and especially kids have to go through the loneliness of me being on the road constantly.

   How laughable and utterly ridiculous that all sounds now. Stability? Are you serious? Comedy has been WAY more ‘stable’ than radio ever was, but I kept going back like the abused wife in a trailer park thinking it would be different the next time. It never was, and I’m still disillusioned.

   None of that was Pat’s fault. He’s had to drink continuously from his own cocktail poured from the bubbling cauldron of radio insanity. He started as a disk jockey, and worked his way up from there to program director, G.M. and eventually station owner. Radio has been his lifelong dream.

   Pat was always there to offer a kind word whenever I got fired, as he could relate to it himself. He always told me I had big market talent, and that eventually I’d get my shot. When I was hired at The Loop in Chicago, I think he was more excited than I was. He told everyone he knew about how proud he was of me, and that I deserved it. Then I got fired, and he was there then as well.

   Today is Pat’s birthday, and I wanted to take him to lunch to show how grateful I am for all his kindness. He told me I was one of the very few who remembered, and I could tell he loved every bite of our delicious corned beef and pastrami sandwiches at Jake’s Deli – his choice of venue.

   I don’t know what this may mean in the big picture of life, but it felt great to be able to give the royal treatment to someone who I feel totally deserves it. I heard it in his voice when I called and saw it in his eyes when we ate. I know he felt appreciated, and isn’t that what we all want to have a chance to feel – especially on our birthday? I fall short too often, but today I did the right thing.

   Most if not all of the dented cans I have ever met can directly trace the primary sources of their pain back to their parents. That’s where it all starts. I’m sure there have been examples of people who had a loving upbringing who flip out and go to the dark side, but those are rare exceptions.

   I wonder what percentage of strippers, inmates or drug addicts have pleasant memories of their childhoods that pop into their mind immediately when asked to describe their family history? I’m betting under 1%. Life is hard enough without starting in a hole, but who has any control over it?

   I’ve heard more than a few times we all choose our circumstances before we’re born, but I find that rather hard to swallow. If I did happen to choose my particular path, I must have been drunk or high and I’d like a second chance please. I don’t know why any sane mind would choose this.

   I’m not looking for sympathy. All I ever wanted was at least some sort of a fair chance. My life started out off the beaten path, and wandered from there. Now I feel like such an outsider I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find my way back to the main road. Nobody ever answered my flares.

   Today is yet another Mother’s Day, and it’s really hitting me hard. Some have been better than others, but I thought I was over being sad. I guess not. I honestly don’t know if my mother is still among the living, even though I heard she was as of a couple of years ago. It doesn’t matter now.

   The damage is done, and she never made up for it. If she were dead it would be one thing, but I never understood how she could just walk out of the lives of three kids and not come back for us at some point. I’ve heard countless stories of fathers doing that, but rarely a mother. I don’t get it.

   I don’t know what’s worse, having bad memories of a parent or none at all. My old man was as mean spirited of a nasty bastard as I’ve ever crossed paths with anywhere, and that’s saying a lot. I’ve met some major league wank bags in my day, but he was right up there with the elite forces.

  The memories of my mother are few and fuzzy. The first time I saw her I was about 10, and she took my sister Tammy and brother Larry and me to the zoo for whatever reason. Maybe she was hoping to bring us back or trade us in for some monkeys or something. It was all very awkward.

   I remember that she was upset we wouldn’t call her ‘Mom’, but she hadn’t earned it. We didn’t feel a bond with her, even though Tammy and Larry are older and they knew her a little before it all went south. I was only five months old, so I don’t remember anything. Again, what’s worse – having one’s mother walk out as a toddler or not knowing her at all? Neither one is appealing.

   It’s easy for people to say ‘that happened long ago’ and ‘just get over it already’ and they often do. I can’t say they’re not right either, but on days like today no amount of pep talking or logic is going to take the pain away. There’s a gigantic vacuum void in my soul where a mother’s love is supposed to be, and I don’t know what else could ever fill it. Comedy hasn’t, and probably never will. I don’t think fame and fortune will either. There are things in life money can’t buy, and this is one of them. Dented cans of the world unite. Maybe we did get cheated, but it wasn’t our fault.

   I had a very fun show tonight in Wauconda, IL at a place called ‘The Energee Center’. I did it a few months ago, and it was enjoyable then as well. The people who came out were there to see a show that night, and we gave it to them.  Even though it isn’t a gigantic venue, it was pretty full.

   Tonight, not so much. Maybe twenty, tops. I felt horrible on many levels, as that’s just not how anyone is going to make a decent living. The people who run the venue are absolute sweethearts, and want comedy there. They only do shows once a month, and have brought in excellent talent.

   Sally Edwards is a comedian who lives in Wauconda, and she both books and hosts the shows. She gets it as far as pairing acts together that fit well, and the comedians I’ve talked to that have worked there have all enjoyed themselves just as I did. We’re all hoping it lasts for a long time.

   In theory, it totally should. There is NO live comedy within probably 25 miles or more, and it’s a cozy little place that really works well. There’s a nice little stage and pretty good sound system, even though in such a small venue that’s not a major requirement. It is a plus though, and they’ve got a nice setup all around. There’s a positive vibe in that room, and I’d love to see it keep going.

   I don’t think they sell alcohol at all, but they may have wine coolers. I didn’t see any beer and I can’t say it bothers me, even though I know alcohol sales are the major source of revenue for the comedy business unfortunately. Trying to tame nasty drunks is not fun under any circumstances, and I’ve got a lifetime of experience to prove it. This is a much better scenario, and I cherish it.

   There have to be at least some people who aren’t raging alcoholics who want to see live shows, aren’t there? I would think there would be quite a few of them within driving distance to a venue like The Energee Center in Wauconda or Improv Playhouse in Libertyville. There’s another little room that’s fun to work, and the people who run it get it. Why can’t places like this draw flies?

   I was very disturbed to see such a small turnout tonight. Bill Gorgo was also on the show, and he’s a headliner in his own right. Those twenty people got way more than they paid for, and they were a tremendous audience. We all had fun, and there were no issues in getting paid either. We got our checks immediately after the show as promised, even though I know they lost their shirt.

  The people who run it were upbeat, but I never like to see anyone lose money. They need to eat like everyone else, and they put out a very good product for what they charge. There’s no reason it shouldn’t have been full, and even been able to sell out two shows. The fact is it’s just not easy to get people in a room for any reason. I know, I’ve tried to for years - and have failed miserably.

   I’m sorry to see this happen, as it’s such a fun room for everyone. The people who run it enjoy having comedy, and that makes it fun for us as performers. The cold hard fact that I don’t like to think about is - fun isn’t enough. It’s a business, and if there aren’t enough customers it’s a flop.

   That’s hard to stomach, but it’s just how it is. The slow animals in the jungle get eaten. Period. It doesn’t matter how fun they are, or how much any of the other animals like them. If they can’t keep up, they’re gone. I don’t know who made up this system but it sure seems cruel, doesn’t it?

   I’m still buzzing about how much I enjoyed seeing George Clinton and Parliament/Funkadelic light up the crowd at the Cubby Bear in Chicago last night, but there are a few factors that don’t add up inside my twisted little logic box. Let’s see if I can sort a few things out and make sense.

   In my opinion, the show should have been held across the street at Wrigley Field. Concerts are no stranger to that venue, as I remember Paul McCartney getting booked there not that long ago. I think Bruce Springsteen is there later this year as a matter of fact. Why isn’t George booked?

   Some might snicker when I suggest that, but they probably don’t realize just how major a draw P-Funk was at one time. I still remember them playing Soldier Field in 1977. I wanted to see that show, but had no means of getting there from Milwaukee at the time. I can only imagine the look of unbridled horror on my grandparents’ faces had I asked them to take me to see that concert.

   “You want us to drive you all the way to Chicago to see WHAT?”

   “A concert where a spaceship lands with black people from outer space coming out of it.”

   End of story.

   A lot of people also don’t realize that George and Parliament were signed on with Casablanca Records at the same time KISS was with them. That must have been a circus and a half trying to keep all of that together. But I never liked KISS, even though I tried. Their music flat out stinks.

   I do love their showmanship, and they can still sell out all over the world today even with such an inferior product music wise. George and the boys still bring it musically and always could, but they’re playing the Cubby Bear for a few hundred people on a Thursday. Something doesn’t fit.

   What went wrong? Is it a marketing issue? Creative differences? A black/white thing? I have to believe it’s a little bit of everything. Maybe George isn’t a very good ass kisser, or chooses to put his energy in the creative side and not the business like so many other performers do. That’s been a huge hump for me to get over as well, and I don’t know how to overcome it. It’s a real concern.

   There’s something to be said about doing things on one’s own terms, and I’ve always chosen to make that a major priority with everything I’ve done, but was it always the right choice? Might it be a little smarter to play the game a little better and allow myself more choices in the long run?

   That could be exactly the right thing to do, but as for me I never did it. KISS did it, and they’re still raking in major cash to this day with not only their less than stellar music, but merchandising as well. George had a few t-shirts for sale at the Cubby Bear, and a few obscure CDs. That’s it.

   I still had a great time, and I’m glad I went. But I don’t want to be doing B and C venues when I’m 71. That’s not all that far off, and it’s rather scary to think about. The path I’m on now won’t lead me to any kind of Promised Land, so I’d better find a way to change that - or get a day job.

   One of the most unpleasant parts of the entertainment business, and self employment in general I suppose, is the need to go after delinquent accounts for past due payment. I’ve never handled it well, and have way more experience than I’d prefer. It’s a hassle, and rarely has a happy ending.

   Unfortunately, I’m going through it again. It brings back all kinds of painful memories I don’t want to drudge up, but I can’t help it. It’s a nasty part of doing business, and I know I’m not the only one. I have a friend in the electrical contractor business and he said he’s dealing with it too.

   The hardest part by far is keeping personal feelings out of it. I’ve always been one to do things in good faith, and when I make a deal I consider it to be binding. I’ve gotten stiffed several times by unscrupulous slugs, and I don’t handle it well. I find it to be a major hurdle and it irritates me.

   It’s especially painful in the comedy business because we’re so vulnerable. We drive across the country in blind faith with the promise of being paid by someone we’ve usually never met. There are rarely if ever any written contracts, and most outsiders would view this as complete insanity.

   I’d have to say I think they’re right, but that’s how it is in comedy and has been for as long as I have been doing it. People can easily get ripped off, and quite often do. Every comedian has ugly war stories of getting stiffed, and it stinks. But, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened more than it has.

   What stinks even more is that most booking agents don’t go to bat for the comedians, and they freely admit it. They usually get a booking fee from the club or venue, and that’s all they tend to care about. If there’s a problem with a comedian getting paid, too bad. There are hundreds more lining up to take whatever gigs are being handed out. It’s a buyer’s market, and they know that.

   I’ve had clashes with a few bookers in my day, and it was a bitter pill to swallow to learn that I was the least important ingredient in the stew. Pardon me for thinking I might be due a modicum of respect for being one of the ones who provides the service that helps them make their living.

   One situation that still infuriates me is how I had to fight for a bounced check to be paid not all that long ago, and the booker knew going in that the club was bouncing checks. He wouldn’t tell the comedians, and the situation got quite nasty. I’d been a good soldier for years, but apparently that wasn’t enough. He didn’t think twice about totally sticking it in my poop shoot and it hurt.

   He didn’t even pay for my bounced check fees as he said he would, and then had his moron kid fire me via email and said they ‘wouldn’t need my services any longer’. Gee, thanks for all of the warmth and humanity. What about all the times I drove in a blizzard risking my life to make it to some horrendous gig at a sports bar in North Dakota so he could score his almighty commission?

   Those times are all forgotten, and now there’s a new group of fresh meat to piss on and exploit the exact same way. It’s a vicious cycle, and most people don’t see it until it’s too late. I’m upset just thinking about it, but I’m one of the few that actually says anything. Most others just take the next gig, and hope it gets better. But it never does. This is the part of the business few people see.

   Thankfully, there are a few shining exceptions who are a welcome breath of fresh air in a filthy rotten cesspool of a business – or what can be. Most times things come off as they’re negotiated. When they don’t, that’s where people’s true colors show. There are good and bad, just like life.

   Zanies in Chicago has always been nothing but totally professional in the way they handle their business dealings. I’ve probably worked for them more than any other single source of work, and there has never been ONE problem as far as payment goes. I’ve always gotten paid, and have not had to deal with any unpleasantness like a bounced check or late payment. I do a gig, I get paid.

   That’s how it should always work in my opinion, but a lot of things in life don’t always go how I think they should. It’s funny though how Zanies and I have been able to carve out a relationship all these years without the hint of a glitch while others and I clashed. It all seems so unnecessary.

   Another example of a booker that I’d drive to the North Pole and back for is Tom Sobel out of Louisville, KY. Tom has always been above board to a fault, and goes out of his way to take care of the comedians who work for him. I haven’t worked nearly as much for Tom over the years as I have for Zanies, but I’ve had the exact same results. Everything he said he would do gets done.

   Why is that so damn difficult? It shouldn’t be, but apparently it is. I wish Tom had more power and clout in this business, and if he did the comedy world would be different. But he’s chosen to live his life in Louisville, and unfortunately is just trying to hack out a living like everybody else.

   Tom is the one who is negotiating the settlement of the particular situation I’m dealing with, as he was the one who negotiated the original deal. I went through him knowing he was ethical, and he wrote up a contract between me and the person who intended to hire me for the engagement at issue. It ended up being canceled on extremely short notice, and took everyone by total surprise.

   Thankfully, there is a contract and things were all done above board. Tom would have received a commission, and he earned every penny of it. He was thorough throughout the entire process of negotiation, and I have no problem whatsoever paying someone to do it. It’s an insurance policy.

   Now we’re going through the process of collection, and it’s shaping up to be a big time pain in every orifice imaginable. The guy who booked the show has sent a few emails implying he wants to pay us out promptly, but then disappears when we try to call him on it. It’s all a stupid game.

   All Tom and I would like would be for the guy to write a check and move on. I wasn’t thrilled the gig got canceled, as I was looking forward to doing it. There was a class involved, and I put a lot of work into preparing a custom session for that weekend. I did my homework and then some.

   All that aside, it’s not my fault it didn’t happen. It’s not Tom’s either. We did what we said we would, and I was ready to fulfill my end of the deal and make good on the deal we booked. Now we’re both holding the same flaming bag of dead skunks, and there’s no telling how it will end.

   Will we have to go to court? Maybe. Will we get a dime? Who knows? This is all part of being self employed. Everyone wants to live the American Dream, but this is the American Nightmare.

   Monday Mania isn’t slowing down. Tuesday used to be my day to just unplug from the world’s power grid and disappear for a while to relax and get ready to tee it up for a new week. I’d do my laundry, go get my mail, answer emails and phone messages, whatever. It was a free day to relax.

   Now I’ve got a commitment to record three episodes of ‘The Unshow!’ podcast at 8am. I don’t mind, and in fact I like doing it, but it’s another thing I have to keep track of and pushes back my schedule even farther. People call me every day and ask for a slice of my time for one activity or favor or another, and I’m to the point I’m finding it all overwhelming. I can’t keep track of it all.

   I really do think I need to hire some kind of a secretary to help me keep everything straight. It’s too daunting a task for a one man band to take care of everything, and that’s just a fact. I’m using up a lot of creative time doing minutia I’m not even interested in, but it has to get taken care of.

   Meanwhile, a lot of important things I should be spending time on get neglected. Pretty soon, it feels like I’m in the corporate rat race all by myself without the benefit of the steady paycheck to counterbalance the frustration of having to deal with the grind. I think I have outsmarted myself.

   I chose to get into comedy to fulfill my creative urges. I’ve been able to make a living doing it for going on three decades, and that’s no small accomplishment. I challenge anyone to start from scratch with no map and make that happen. It’s a borderline miracle I have been able to survive.

   But survival isn’t enough. Nobody sets out in the entertainment business to just barely squeak by for twenty years. I’m sure nobody in the corporate world sets out to do that either, but it’s not as much of a disappointment when it eventually happens. It’s expected, but has other features to make up for it like a steady paycheck and health insurance. Sometimes, reality drowns dreams.

   I always chose to keep my little dream candle burning, even though life’s torrential downpour tried to drown my dream countless times. Sometimes that candle flickered more than a little, but it hasn’t been extinguished yet. I may be getting a little low on the wick, but there’s still a flame.

   What do I do with my candle? I could call that the burning question, but that’s a horrible pun to bring into a very serious subject. I’m not joking. I don’t know what to cut out of my life to give a little relief to all this overwhelm I’m feeling. I’ve got all these half baked projects going on right now in various stages of completion, and I haven’t the slightest idea if any of them will succeed.

   I still think my favorite of all is The King of Uranus. That’s just such a goofy idea that it makes my creative muscles twitch with anticipation of bringing it to life out of total nothing. I relish the challenge, and it really interests me. But so do the other ideas. They’re like kids, I love them all.

   I do want to do the ‘Schlitz Happened!’ one man show about Milwaukee at some point. I want to keep teaching comedy classes too. Then there’s The Mothership Connection radio show every Sunday. That’s fun too. And what about my act? I’ve got so many ideas of new material I’d like to work in but haven’t had the chance. This is all fine, but I have to handle my everyday life first.

 Whatcha gonna do, when Monday Mania runs wild on YOU? It’s sort of like Hulkamania, but it only involves me. If there is another entertainer living or dead who has been as consistently busy on Mondays as I have been, I want to see proof. I don’t think that’s likely though. I’m the man.

   My Mondays have been booked up tight for years. It’s the rest of the week that needs work. If whatever I’ve been doing all these years can be called a ‘career’, it could be judged on Mondays alone and I’d bet more than a few people would be impressed. If nothing else, I’ve made it fun.

   For several years, Mondays were the day I would teach my comedy class. In recent years, I’ve been hosting the Rising Star Showcases at Zanies in Chicago. On many occasions I’ve had to do both on the same night. After working a whole week of comedy shows and then hosting the radio show on Sundays, Mondays could get a bit long. Still, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love it.

   I still teach classes and hope to do more, and I’m sure I’ll host some more Rising Star shows as well. What’s part of my Monday mix now is waking up early to be on the radio in Rockford with ‘Stone and Double T’ on WXRX ‘The X’. They call me around 7:40, and we riff about whatever topics I feel like bringing up. They trust me, so I feel like I need to have some prepared material.

   That’s fine, but I don’t usually get home from Kenosha until around 1am, and then I have some emails to answer after that. I’m lucky if I get to sleep by 3am, and by then I’m usually so pooped I don’t end up getting ready for Stone and Double T until about 7:15 after catching a few winks.

   I’ll wake up and decide the topic direction I want to take, and make a couple of bullet points to hit if necessary so I can have something to say. I like working off the cuff, and those guys let me pretty much do what I want so that’s a plus. Still, it takes some effort and I don’t take it lightly.

   After that, it’s time to record ‘The Unshow!’ podcast with Jeff Schneider via Skype. We’re on a pretty consistent schedule now, and record three half hour episodes on Mondays and Tuesdays. I really enjoy doing that too, but after everything that goes on all weekend I’m usually just happy  to get it over with. I like doing it, but it’s always when my tank is on empty and I can use a nap.

   A nap? What the hell is that? I have no time for naps. Mondays are the big weekly ‘lunch club’ day in Kenosha to get together with the people who are in Mark Gumbinger’s film making group of friends of which I am now a member. Between Mark and Lou Rugani, there are several people who come and go depending on availability. Whenever I’m able, I go. I enjoy the camaraderie.

   We hang out for a couple of hours busting balls, coming up with ideas and having fun. Sleep is nice too, but it can be overrated. To me, having a chance to hang out with friends is always much better. I love being a part of the group, and I genuinely enjoy the experience. It’s worth my time.

   Doing the podcast is really satisfying too. Jeff and I get on some excellent riffs, and we’re both capable of carrying the ball at any given moment. Listen online at www.PKNRado.com. We  are on 5:30 Central Time, with a rewind on the weekends. After all that, NOW it’s time for my nap.

   “How to Be in Show Business for Fun and Profit” is an excellent title for a book I’d love to get a chance to write. Now if only I could experience that pesky little part about ‘profit’, I’d be ready to get started. The ‘fun’ part I’ve got down. In fact, that’s what’s kept me going all these years.

   I’ve had all kinds of fun doing all kinds of projects in all kinds of areas, and it continued today. Unfortunately, it’s just not enough. I have glycerin, but without any nitro there won’t be anything exploding any time soon. I’m doing my own thing, and even though it’s fun it’s just not enough.

   This afternoon I had a comedy class to teach at Zanies in Chicago. This was the final session of this particular round of the four week beginner level, and they were a quality group. I was able to take them a little deeper than the average beginner level group, and having Bill Gorgo along with Gideon Bailey made it a party. Those guys are both excellent teachers and really add to the mix.

   We were scheduled for two hours but were there almost three. Time zipped by so quickly we’d forgotten to keep track, and everyone was really enjoying it so we kept going. How many people can say that about anything they do in their lives? There’s really some passion there, and doing it in a group setting with multiple teachers really gives it a whole new energy. Everybody loved it.

   But the question that keeps popping up like Kleenex tissues out of a box is, how the hell do we make it consistently profitable? We’re not greedy, but we all need to eat on a regular basis and if we’re lucky we’ll have that need for at least a little while longer. Gas money is just not enough.

   A class like this could REALLY help someone who wants to be a full time comedian. Between the three of us, we’ve probably got close to 100 years of practical hands on experience of being a full time entertainer. Not only that, we are all passionate teachers and do this because we love it.

   That should have all the ingredients of success pretty much covered, shouldn’t it? Not quite. In a perfect world, we’d all be rich and famous by now – or at least rich. That’s all I care about after all these years anyway. Fame is a curse. I just want the financial freedom to be able to finance all I’m doing now anyway. My life wouldn’t change all that much other than the lessening of stress.

   These classes could be grown to a much higher level in my opinion, but is there a real demand for it from a business perspective? I know there’s a need, but that’s not the same. Newbies in the comedy game aren’t usually financially secure, and that isn’t going to change any time soon. I’m an oldie, and I’M not financially secure. This is all a passion project, and that’s what worries me.

   Who the hell cares about passion projects, other than those involved? Those students got WAY more than they paid for, but that was ten people out of millions in the Chicago area. While it was totally stimulating on many levels, there just isn’t enough of a payback to justify all our efforts.

   Tonight I had another stellar evening of fun hosting The Mothership Connection radio show on AM 1050 WLIP in Kenosha, WI. There’s another project that could be really great, but I haven’t figured out how to make even one dollar with that yet. At least the classes bring in a few bucks.

   No matter how disappointed I ever get or how short I feel I fall of whatever outrageously out of realistic reach expectations I may set for myself, I always make it a high priority to offer my help and support to charitable causes whenever I can. If I can ever help someone in need, I’ll be there.

   Today I happened to have two separate commitments I volunteered for, but both were easy and I’m glad I said yes. I’m not sure if I helped all that much, but at least I was able to get some good energy going and hopefully it will lead to other situations in the future. This is what life is about.

   It is to me anyway. The older I get, the more I realize the only thing that really matters is what a person can give to others and contribute to the collective. I always refer back to Harry Chapin’s example of using whatever celebrity clout he may have had to raise money and awareness for his collection of worthy causes – mostly world hunger. He had passion and he gave from his heart.

   I’d love to be remembered the same way, whether I ever get to be a celebrity or not. This is not about anything other than showing human kindness, and there can never be enough of that in my opinion. We all slide down the cosmic wormhole eventually, and as for me I’m going to do what I can to bring satisfied smiles to as many faces along the way as I can. That will keep me busy.

   A few months ago I attended a networking breakfast in Gurnee, IL and met a representative of Catholic Charities. I’m not Catholic, but I am charitable and she said they have a need for people to volunteer for various situations ranging from child care to senior events. She said I could sign up and they’d notify me whenever they had openings, and I could show up when I was available.

   That sounded painless, so I did. Today I had my first assignment, which was helping out in the child care department at their office in Waukegan, IL. They needed volunteers to entertain some kids as their parents attended some sort of meeting that I never did find out what it was exactly.

   All I had to do was hang out with the kids for about an hour and color or watch a movie or play a game. How hard is that? They needed someone from 9am to noon, and the time zipped by. I’ve always loved to hang out with kids, as they’re a great audience. I love the sound of their laughter.

   There were several other volunteers there too, and I really didn’t have all that much to do. All I basically did was sit around and make sure nobody ran with scissors or anything like that and the kids were great. They ranged in age from about 2 to 9, and it was an easy gig. I’m glad I did this.

   Tonight I was the auctioneer for a fundraising event for the Downtown Montessori Academy in Milwaukee. I have a natural flair for being an auctioneer since I talk fast anyway, and know how to think on my feet. Plus, I’ve been to a lot of car auctions. All I did was do what I’ve seen done.

   Ian Spanic asked me to do this months ago, and he and everyone else couldn’t have treated me any nicer. This was a fun event, and the people involved all had passion for the cause. It was for their children, and about giving them a quality education. I was delighted to be asked, and it was totally worth my time. I hope I was able to help both causes today, and I’d gladly show up again.